10.17.08
dear Boo … dear Bingo
I wish that my cats could read and if they could, I wish they could read these …
Dear Boo ,
There are two tenets in life that I want to you to remember.
1. First, YOU ARE A CAT !
2. Second, YOU ARE MY CAT !
Boo, YOU ARE A CAT, therefore kneading as if you are making dough for biscuit is not an appropriate behavior. Boo, why do you love to knead on my stomach? I understand that I need to lose weight but must you really emphasize that I am fat? You are not right Boo, you are not right.
Boo, YOU ARE MY CAT, therefore I can make the decision to keep you inside the house at all time. Allowing you to go outside the house from time to time is your privilege NOT your right. You can cry your hearts out or plead to your Tita Wewe but I am the only one who can make the decision to let you out of the house or not. You are my cat. Unless you pay the $95 adoption fee that you owe me, you don’t have a say in life. Just be content that you are a house cat Boo; it is a tough life out there.
Love,
Mom
Dear Bingo,
Our neighbor’s cat Tommy and the feral cat that I named Kitten 2 doesn’t have the intention to live in our house. Therefore, if you see them passing by in our front yard, don’t hiss, scratch the window or pretend that you are about to start a fight. Bingo, what’s wrong with you? you are such a snob. I hate to say this but those cats will beat the crap out of you.
Bingo, contrary to a popular belief, it is not healthy for a cat to eat tuna everyday. You have to eat variety of canned foods.
Lastly, Bingo can you please be a good cat. Your Tita Wewe’s purse cost $500 bucks. It is a Burberry for goodness sake. It was not meant to be your scratch post. BTW, I have not told your Tita Wewe that you have made a tiny hole on her Coach bag. Your secret is safe with me as long as you promise to be a good cat.
Love and kisses,
Mom