06.07.11
Dear Wewe
Early this year I made a pledge to myself that I will not waste my money gambling. In order to fulfill my pledge, I created my what I called “wish list.” Rather than wasting my money betting on slot machines, I will buy toys that I can put to use. I wish for a new car, latest Samsonite luggages, a new camera bag, a new dslr, a new netbook, laptop, gaming console and prime lense. It turned out that they were not wishes because I procured them all. I procured them to satisfy my stupid whim. In a hindsight, if I could turn back the time, I should had really wish for these.
To say hello without having to say goodbye.
To love without getting afraid of getting hurt.
To experience effervescence without getting angst in return.
To feel the warmth of comfort in a sea of loss.
Yesterday, I made one of the most difficult decisions of my life–I put my cat to sleep. A cat that I have shared my life for more than fourteen years. A cat who had witness my life experience of loneliness and bliss. A cat that after so many years I have learn to treat as a friend, as my own child. Her passing unbelievably hurts; no amount of poignant words comfort me. I have to be strong and perhaps learn to forgive myself. I have to forgive myself. But words are easily muttered than done. I am very sad.